Looking into myself I realise that there is an in built positive bias.
Immediately I know that some may say, hang on, I despise myself, I wish I were dead.
Even that I interpret as a reaction to the disappointment that we are not special, or the breaking of the bubble of self love.
It's not wrong to self love, it's simply wrong to assume we deserve it. Self love is our normal setting as humans, I think.
As a Christian, I believe in the depravity of man, that all of us are inherently evil, or rebellious.
Given a situation of "me verses someone else", if my life depended on it, I will most often choose me. I don't want to put this to the test, but even as a relatively mature Christian, I see more than glimpses of this at work in me, even now.
So back to my point,
none of us are special. Yes we all have different gifts and abilities and interests and personalities, which are wonderful snd purposeful and right to share with each other, but these gifts, though they may, from time to time, reach a certain favour with people, or the media, and receive a certain honour (which lifts certain people with those gifts to a higher level, so to speak) before God, those gifts do not bring favour, in my opinion.
For example, athleticism, musical ability, a beautiful voice, beauty in appearance, intelligence, strength, and many other characteristics and abilities, from time to time, receive praise and popularity. It makes the person with those attributes special, with both positive and negative consequences.
Positive advantages is what we expect our special abilities to bring, as some of these gifts are valued in many ways, but with popularity and fame and money come other effects which are actually negative.
But putting aside the more extreme examples of these gifts, the less famous amongst us still are prone to carrying our particular gifts as medals which we might display to our advantage at particular times. If nothing else, it gives us a reason to feel good about ourselves.
I say that because, as I said before, I believe that we are all born sinners, rebels, fist shakers at God, deluded self directors (by that I mean that we think we have the ability to rule our own lives, when in fact self rule is actually rule by idols, demons and ultimately, satan. Again, not everyone would see it this way).
So being born with original sin we are prone to a deep insecurity which, in my opinion, is the seed of all insecurity and drives a lot of our self-bettering attempts.
We use our gifts and abilities to help reassure ourselves that we are not that bad and certainly better than most.
And when our gifts are not appreciated as we think they ought, we can take it very personally and become angry, sometimes very angry. Our anger unmasks our insecurity. Again I see this in myself.
But if we accepted that we are not that special, we would possibly find life less stressful. Certainly we would be a bit more humble and easier to deal with.
But how can we be satisfied with ordinary, even bland existence? Surely the answer relates to our being loved. If we are loved, and we love others, then we are special, gifts or no gifts, success or failure, pretty or ugly, young or old, strong or weak, etc etc.
Being loved implies being part of a family. Gods family. If God loves us, then when books are opened, and the book of life is revealed, then we are secure in the ordinary lives we have led, despite the sin and rebellion that Satan will bring up before our God.
If God is for us, who can be against us? That truth is more than sufficient for every circumstance now, and into the future. Praise be to our God and Saviour the Lord Jesus.